I have been to very few funerals in my life. I can probably count them on one hand. That is fortunate I guess. This week I attended a funeral for a little baby. It is the first time that I have experienced that. Our next door neighbors are good, wonderful folks who just had their 4th baby 4 weeks ago. They knew before she was born that she wouldn't live long. She was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, a chromosomal defect, in utero. She also had a severe VSD (heart defect), which doctors wouldn't repair because of her chromosomal problems. They weren't even sure that she would make it through labor and delivery. She did with the help of a C-section. Then she lived 3 and a half weeks. They got to bring her home. They felt like every day they were cheating death and were thankful they had her that long. I got to go over and see the baby and hold her. She was so frail right from the start. They named her Hannah. She passed away this past Wednesday and they had a service for her on Thursday. They invited Greg and I to go, so of course we did.
There were a couple of things about the service I wanted to mention. First, I was amazed at how many people were there. So often when someone loses a child, it is a small, very private service. I felt that it was a great blessing to this family to have so many people around them, loving them, showing their support to them. It was a great lesson to me, who tends to hide the pain, and not share it, until it gets to desperate levels. Throughout all of the last couple weeks there have been so many people at their house. Some has been hospice care, but there were many others as well. They found a very kind and wonderful doctor who would do house calls. When a friend at the husband's work found out, his wife arranged for her prayer group to bring in many meals. There were people who carted kids to and from school, etc. etc. It was wonderful to see the support they got. It made me so happy to live in this community. I am sure countless prayers were said on their behalf, including our own family's, for them.
The next thing about the service that maybe wasn't so positive is the manner in which parts of it were delivered. Our friends are Catholic so of course a priest did it. It just felt so impersonal. I don't know how well he knew the family. Basically he just read some stuff, which didn't seem very comforting to me. Thank heavens the funeral director took the time to say a few words, which were much more meaningful. He talked about the grandparents that had preceded Hannah in death and how they would all be fighting over who got to hold her. He seemed to have a real love for the family and appreciate the heartache they were feeling. Greg and I talked about the priest and how impersonal and disconnected he seemed, and I thought what Greg said was profound. Basically he said how can a priest who has never lived life, meaning never married, never had children, never worked outside of the church, know what it is like to hold a little child and love a little child and then one day find that your arms are empty. There is great wisdom in how our church has it's own members serve each other, and Bishops must be married men. It is easier to bear one another's burdens if we have some understanding of what they are.
Another thing that I found interesting was that the family chose to have an open casket funeral. I don't know why, but I expected because it was a baby that they wouldn't. It just made everything seem all that much more real. She was beautiful, and precious. It was just so hard to see her there with no life in her little body. It made me feel the pain for our neighbors all that much more. Just a week or so before I had held her in my arms and talked to her, and now she was gone. Heartache.
One of the services that was rendered to them was given by a photographer. Someone told them about how some photographers offer their services free in situations like these. What this good lady did was take some pictures of their family before she was born and then she was right there at the hospital when the baby was born and took pictures of their family all together. Then she put together a great presentation of it put to music the family had chosen. They played this at the service as well. Very poignant. What a great gift to this grieving family.
Lastly, I think one of the hardest things for me was seeing their 3 other children mourning right alongside mom and dad. Their 3 year old seemed pretty ok, but his dad said he was pretty worried about him. Their 6 year old was really having a hard time, and so was their 9 year old. It is hard to see little children sobbing with great pain and not be able to help. This family believes they will see this baby again someday, and believe that her little body isn't suffering anymore. I think they are going to be alright. I think the love they have felt will continue to buoy them up and help them to keep going. Having 3 other wonderful children will help too.
I came away with a greater appreciation for the miracle and fragility of life. This could have just as easily been me, or you, for that matter. Who is to say that it won't be us someday? We have four wonderful healthy children. That is a miracle. We should appreciate life more. We should love life more. We should savor life more. It is a precious gift from God. How thankful I am for it! How thankful I am that baby Hannah could touch the lives of her family, and many others, even if it was for a short time. She brought love and joy to this family. That is the blessing of a baby.
